I was going to try to keep this new blog fairly positive and light, but I gotta tell ya - I'm down. I'm bewildered. I'm tormented.
WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!
I'm a nobody. I've never done anything and I'm never going to do anything. I'm taking up space. I'm old and in the way. But I feel horrible when I see extremely talented people - artists - die. It doesn't seem fair. They have a few years, they're amazing and innovative, they give it all they've got - then they're gone. Ashes. Dust. What difference does it make that Chet Atkins could really play that guitar? Or that Ella sure could sing? Kurt Vonnegut was some kind of writer, wasn't he? Leonardo painted some nice pictures, didn't he? When it came time for them to die, they died.
But they left a "legacy," you may say. Is that what it's all about - leaving something behind? Me? I'm nothing. I'll leave nothing.
WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO? THINK? BELIEVE IN? DOES ANYTHING MATTER AT ALL?!
Toward the end, Dick Clark told someone that he would trade all of his wealth and fame just to be able to walk again.
WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!
Everything saddens me.
People, the world over, create and perpetuate fairy tales to make themselves feel better about their mortality. Even that saddens me.
I hate that you are down. You have left more than you know. I have the greatest part of you...he may not have your last name, but he is every bit of what I remmeber of you. He is brillant and creative like you....also shy, witty and sometimes untouchable...like you. Most of all he has my heart....like you. I am grateful to know you (not just to have known you) Jimmi. You matter to me. You taught me so much that I neede to learn. You are in my heart for whatever that is worth to you. I will NEVER forget you...you are a remarkable, wonderful, beautiful man. I love you. I wish you could see you the way I see you. Really.
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